In further proof that the Expendables franchise is essentially a multimillion-dollar version of the box your parents threw all your old action figures into when they decided to turn your childhood bedroom into a study, Sylvester Stallone has tweeted that Harrison Ford is joining Expendables 3. Ford’s representatives confirm that the busy actor has joined the threequel’s ensemble cast, presumably as a character from Indiana who explicitly prefers to work “solo” and is secretly an android riding a unicorn, because nostalgia.
Expendables casting rumors have been filling the internet. (Milla Jovovich? Nicolas Cage? Jackie Chan?) In fact, many of those rumors were fomented by Stallone himself. (Steven Segal? Wesley Snipes? Mel Gibson?) and given that “starring” in an Expendables movie can basically mean a brief trailer-ready cameo, it’s possible that even more names will enter the mix between now and the film’s August release date.
Still, if Stallone is to be believed, there’s one famous name who won’t be in the next film, despite appearing in the first two. In the same tweet announcing the Ford news, Stallone says simply “WILLIS OUT” — implying that Bruce Willis, his fellow ’80s action star and co-investor in Planet Hollywood, will not be reprising the role of Mr. Church, better known by his codename, “The Guy Bruce Willis Played In The Expendables.” In an immediate follow-up tweet, Stallone chastises: “GREEDY AND LAZY …… A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE.” This is being read as an explicit attack on Willis. (Stallone’s reps had no comment.)
Then again, maybe Stallone is just ambiently musing about the nature of success in Hollywood, or rehearsing a line of dialogue from Rocky Origins: Creed. To bracketly quote the Gospels: “Let he who is without [a never-ending parade of franchise sequels] cast the first stone.”